Motorbike

I see sights and pretty lights, I feel the wind enter my mind, I do all this from the backseat of the motorbike I talk, I learn, I shade myself from the sun, I do all this from the backseat of the motorbike I question, I answer, I travel, I rest, I do all this from the backseat of the motorbike I know a little more of you now, Than I did the day before, When I ride on the backseat of the motorbike The very backseat of the motorbike, that you left vacant, when you said your final goodbye!

He and She.

He first saw her in a place that, he least expected a girl as lovely as her to be.

However, he did thank his lucky stars. One look into her warm black eyes, and he knew in his heart she was the girl he would marry.

That's how He met She.

Some would say that it’s always the girl, who is shy but, in this case the roles were certainly reversed. He was like a nervous little pup, waiting to be loved and accepted. She looked at his beautiful dimpled smile, how could she not fall in love with him? In that moment she thought, if he'd asked her then to marry her, she would have certainly said yes.

That's how She met Him.

***

Years passed. They were each others best mates. There wasn't a thing that happened to one which went unnoticed by the other. They were soul mates some would say but, the two of them kept mute. Neither would give words to what lay in each of their hearts.

Today was a special day. For, destiny had favored the two, in the guise of her aunt’s daughter’s sister-in-law’s brother’s mother. By way of an arranged marriage, today they were to be wed.

Both felt joy beyond belief. Both of their hearts almost exploding with love. Both of them secretly knew, today was the day to express their love.

***

He saw her today, getting out of the car. She seemed perfect, walking towards him. His wife-to-be, dressed in red and gold. With henna covered hands, that spelled his name somewhere,he knew. He looked at her beautiful lips, and the humble smile they carried.

And in his heart he knew he was right all along, she is the girl he would marry.

"I love you" he whispered to himself. He would tell her today.

She looked at him as she got out of the car. Her heart skipped a beat. Her handsome husband-to-be. Oh! How she loved him. As she looked into his coffee colored eyes, she knew in that instance, they were meant to be.

Today, she would say those three words locked up in her heart for so long. Today she would say, “I love you” she thought.

With that resolved in her mind, she walked towards the beginning of a new life.

***

She heard it, a heart curdling screech followed by a blinding yellow light.

And everything went blank.

***

20 years later he brings her, her favorite flowers everyday.

"Baby, you are my everything. I love you so much." he says.

For 20 years now, not a day goes by when she doesn't receive flowers from him. "Darling, you are my one and only love. Without you, I am not me. I love you." she says, wishing so dearly that he could hear her.

The living, can’t hear the dead.

The Sadness in Her Eyes

| This was something I wrote for my Creative Writing assignment. |

“If you die, so will I” I said without a shadow of a doubt, in my innocent child voice. On hearing this, mother lovingly looked at me like she always did. But there was something in her eyes, a kind of sadness I had never seen before, sadness that I at five-and-half-years of age could not even begin to understand.

Mother and I shared a bond of great love. It is said, that the girl is always her daddy’s pet, however; I was always my mother’s. I never once in my life felt the need for a sibling for I had her. We played games, talked and had inside jokes. A third person watching the two of us could hardly ever understand what the mother-daughter pair was up to. We could communicate through our eyes.

With the passing years our bond only grew stronger. We became each others confidants and best friends. I know I was the apple of her eye, and for me there was never a person greater than her. 

On my 13^th birthday life decided to act cruel. My Ma was diagnosed with Cancer. After 2 years of surgeries and medicines and unbearable amount of pain she could not hold on any longer and, exactly a month before her 41st birthday my dear mother took her very last breath.

As I sat there on the floor right opposite my Mother's bed I could feel the presence of hordes of relatives around me, all crying and weeping, but I could not hear or see any of them. My eyes very fixated on the lifeless body of my beautiful mother and my ears searching only for the sound of her laughter.

I don’t even know how, but next, I found myself by my mother’s bed, head resting on her chest hands hugging her now lifeless body, wailing, wailing away in pain. A pain so strong it left me breathless. I could feel hands trying to pull me away but, I would not budge.

At that moment when I was being pulled away from her, a distant memory came rushing back to me, of time long ago when I held my mother and cried just as I was doing now.

 *** “Ma, get up Ma, I don’t want to play this game anymore.” Mother and I often used to play ‘dead or alive?’ It was a game where one of us pretended to be dead and lay down dead still on the bed with both eyes shut and the other would then go on to tickle the one playing dead, until the one playing dead would begin to laugh or move. This time it was her turn to play dead. “Ma, get up please.” It had been a few minutes now but she would not open her eyes even though I had been tickling her for quite some time. I was getting frantic by the second. “MA!! Stop it!!” I said while shaking her face to the best of my might. “Mamma?” I could take it no more, I started to cry. “Ma, please...please mamma..” and finally she opened her eyes and instantly drew me into a tight hug. I instantly felt at peace. I loved her hugs, they always made me feel that warm. I believe in her arms the world was but fickle and could harm me in no way. I looked at her pretty face and smiled. How I loved her.

Mother, still holding me her arms, cocked her head to the left and locked her dark brown eyes with mine and asked “Jaana, tell me one thing, what will you do if I really were to die?” “If you die, so will I.”***

As I looked now at the soul departed body of my mother I knew for a fact that this time she wasn’t playing dead. This time around no matter how much I cry, Ma would not wake up and pull me into one of her hugs that I loved so much. I knew for a fact, that she did indeed die, but I did not. I was alive. Alive but, now lost without her presence. That is when the meaning of the look that I had witnessed in her eyes when I was 5 and half years old suddenly dawned to me. It all made sense now.

Ma knew that as much as I loved her, there would one day come a time that I would have to live without her. I would not just drop dead the moment she closed her eyes forever. My life would have to go on even without her by my side. She knew the intensity of the grief that I would feel in her absence, she probably felt the pain all those years ago, the very same numbing pain that I feel everyday and perhaps, that was the sadness I had seen in her eyes. A kind of sadness that I now understand.

“Jaana, tell me one thing, what will you do if I really were to die?” “If you die, I will die.”

Independent, are we?

1 new Whatsapp message:

"A Pakistani asked a question to tease an Indian: 

Indians aur kutto mai kitna farak hai?

Indian replies: **Something offensive to Pakistan**

I love India!

Happy Independence Day"

My reaction after reading the message; Why??

I am an Indian, a proud Indian at that. I love my mother land. Today is our Independence day and I am proud and happy. People everywhere are participating in flag hoisting, singing the national anthem and wishing their fellow country mates. All good. 

What's bad, is the message I received, rather the messages that I received. I clearly fail to understand, why should a greeting of our country's Independence Day, be coupled with an offensive joke about another. Where is the need for it? How does it even make sense? Also, more so that all such messages that I received ridiculed Pakistan, not even the British rule, the British rule that we actually got independence from. 

Such messages to me do not express an iota of pride or love for India, all they express is ignorant hatred for our neighboring nation.

Some will argue, with me on this, and say the neighboring nation deserves it, and go on to to telling me about war time ethics. But don't you see, thats a completely different thing. We can't be judges of what happens during war while we are sitting in the comfort of our home. We don't know the half of it. What we know of war is what the media tells us and, what the media tells is is what the government wants us to know. Nothing more, nothing less. True we have lost soldiers at war, lets not forget so have they. And so, using war time references to justify insulting another nation on our Independence day is indeed not justified. 

Such greetings are naive and filled with personal biases. They make my blood boil.

If everyone of us blindly fester ill feelings in our heart towards another nation, and then pass it on to our children, which is very likely to happen, then when do we have a chance of real, true to the heart peace and friendship?

So go ahead, wish your friend a very happy Independence Day, just make sure its an actual wish where you are happy for your country rather than happy to make fun of another. The day we get independence from our ignorant personal biases, is the day each one of us will truly be independent. 

Happy Independence Day!

Jain Hind!

Rapist isn't a Child !!

What does the term “minor” mean? A “minor” is a person who has not reached the prescribed age of adulthood as set down by the law. It is only concerned with the numerical age of a person and not his/her mental age or being.

 In such a case, where age is merely a number, is it justified that the cruelest of attackers in the Delhi case should be tried as a juvenile just because he wasn't 18 at the time of the crime? I believe that a person, who can commit a crime with the brutality that no child can think of, should not be tried as a child. He must be tried and punished as any other criminal who has committed such an inhumane act should be. Also not giving a harsh punishment is going to send out a wrong message to others out there that you can do almost anything and get away with it so long as you remember to do it before you turn 18.

 As the saying goes, “the punishment should fit the crime”, I as well as many others are waiting for a punishment that fits the crime that he has done. In the end I only hope the Supreme Court should see to it that he does not get away, but he is punished and punished appropriately. 

Now, even beggars eat KFC

Gone are the days when beggars beg for food, they prefer to snatch it now. I am a witness to the same.

I was waiting for a friend outside KFC at Bandra-Linking Road yesterday, when a little beggar girl came and sat on one of the steps leading up to KFC with a bowl of half eaten ice-cream in her hand. As i watched her, she had a couple of spoons of the ice-cream until her mother who was sitting on the opposite side of the same footpath with another sleeping child in her lap beckoned the little girl to her and, then claimed her share of the remaining ice-cream. I thought this was pretty normal, as I assumed that the person who was eating the ice-cream deliberately gave away her half eaten bowl to the little girl when she must have begged for money. But maybe my assumption was entirely wrong...

Another two minutes passed and I was still standing there, that is when I saw it happen. The beggar girl who had returned to her previous place on the step after handing the ice-cream bowl to her mother was now again being told by her mother (in a language I could not understand but, could make out from the gestures) to go beg the couple who came out from KFC. What I was shocked to see was that, the little girl did not go to the couple and beg for alms, she rather went and snatched the glass of soft drink from the hands of the man. The man though surprised could do nothing. The girl then proceeded with the same ritual, she drank some of the drink and gave the rest to her waiting mother. As I watched in bewilderment, it happened again. This time the girl snatched a glass of cold coffee and some fries from an unsuspecting and rather helpless woman. 

The same process was repeated thrice in the 15 minutes that i stood there. The second the doors to the fast food joint would open, the mother would send her daughter to do the deed. The daughter of course would willingly oblige. I am guessing the duo along with the sleeping child spend the entire day right outside the joint, feasting on whatever food the diners make the mistake of bringing outside with them. Another thing that bothered me was that, there was no security guard outside to stop this from happening.

If this kind of behavior on the part of the beggars is not stopped, then I am afraid that its not long before they develop the guts to snatch money itself from our hands. Frightening thought!!!

>>>> The gutsy duo! Lets see if you can find them on your next visit.

The mother enjoying the the stolen drink.

The daughter's turn to have some.

Tiny Steps

I thought of taking my previous blog post on the traffic situation in the city a little more ahead, and what better way to do so than put it in the newspaper. So, I ended up writing a letter to the Editor of DNA newspaper. Luckily for me the editor seemed to like it, as a result it appeared in the 3rd July issue in their section know as 'Letters to the editor'.

Yes, its not a full fledge article and I should keep calm but, I am happy. Its my first TINY step, in the right direction, towards the successful future that i want for myself. Hoping to make it to the front page one day. Also, a little more awareness about the crossing situation will do no harm.

>>The article. ( Oh, they used my photograph too.)

 DNA (Daily News Analysis), 3rd July, Letters to the Editor.

Wheels on the Zebra.

As a child I was always afraid of crossing roads. I have learnt now however, huge wide roads still petrify me. The Mumbai traffic does not make my task any easier. More so, as I am forced to cross on the main road rather than the zebra crossing.

The purpose of the black and white stripes on the road known as ‘zebra crossing’ is to ensure a little patch for the pedestrians to cross safely from one side of the road to another. However, these zebra crossings are hardly ever seen today as they are covered by the vehicles that wrongly halt on the zebra crossing itself at a signal rather than the stipulated line before the crossing. At times they even go to halt their vehicles much ahead of the zebra crossing. This traffic behavior leaves no proper place for pedestrians to cross the road safely and the pedestrians are then forced to make their way through the traffic right in the middle of the road, which is rather dangerous.

This flouting of traffic rules is overlooked by all. Even the traffic police ignores it. The government run BEST buses don’t hesitate to flout the rule as well.

On one hand we are trying to fight corruption, while we ourselves break a law each and every day. There are people out there fighting for the rights of the poor and the down trodden. What about the rights of the man walking on the road? Who are we to blame the government for being corrupt and selfish, when we are nothing but the same? Just sitting conveniently in a vehicle gives us the right to forget about the convenience of others on the road? Are our actions justified? No, they aren’t. Until and unless we as citizens do not make tiny changes in our way of life we are in no position to blame the government for the distraught state of our nation. Change is needed for a better future.

“ If you want to make this world a better place, look at yourself and make that change. “ –Michael Jackson.

S.V.Road, Santacruz (W).

Marol Maroshi Road, Andheri (E)

A Remote Relationship

A couple of nights ago, I was sprawled on my sofa watching T.V post midnight. After a good 20 minutes of surfing through various channels and a failed attempt at watching and deciphering a non dubbed Malayalam movie I finally gave up and decided to go to bed.

As I sat in an upright position, my T.V remote which was perched on top of my torso fell to floor with a bang. Now, there was no big deal in the remote falling, it has fallen so many times in the past 10 years that I have long since lost count. However, that night when the remote fell I had an epiphany. I began to see my remote control in a whole new light.

My remote control is as old as my television set, that’s about 10 years. And, as I mentioned it has fallen and even been thrown in anger numerous times in the past 10 years. However, no amount of flinging and banging has caused any harm to it. None at all. That realization got me thinking how similar this remote is to the relationships that I maintain in my life or rather the relationships that most of us have in our lives. There are certain people in our life with whom we have had hideous fights and bitter misunderstandings yet, we managed to sail through the rough patch and emerged stronger than ever. Those people are forever by our side through thick and thin just as we are by theirs. And I can say this with much certainty that no matter how many times we may accidentally or carelessly ‘drop’ them, they will still be there for us as strong as ever.  Just like my T.V remote that has been with me for all these years. And, that got me thinking about the other remote in my life, my DVD remote control which is barely 3 years old but has broken so many times and doesn't function half of the time. The DVD remote gets me thinking about the people that are no more a part of my life; about the relationships that failed. They were those temporarily relationships that just need a reason to break, the slightest push was enough.

It is weird how such a random event can get you thinking of something with such profound meaning. That’s life; it teaches.

Winter!!! Yayyy!!!

Winter is officially here in Mumbai. (FINALLY) Winter is my most favorite season of all. Its perfect in all manners. It isn't too hot or too sunny like summer, and it isn't too wet and moist like monsoon.

Even though you do have a long vacation in summer, I still dislike the season. The sun is too harsh and gives me sunburns and headaches if I am out for too long. Also, it can get amazingly hot and sweaty. Monsoons are better, as long as I am safe and dry at home. Its a pain when you have to go out all decked up and there I water on the roads making you feet wet and slimy, and seeing the condition of Mumbai roads walking on the roads during monsoons is an herculean task in itself. Probability is wicked; the day I will carry an umbrella it will not pour but, the day I forget I will get drenched from head to toe. At those times I end up wishing for a bright hot sun :o Hence, winter to me is perfect. No fear of getting wet, no unbearable heat. Plus I get to drape my self in pretty shawls and scarves and wear warm hoodies which i don't get the wear the rest of the year. I love winter, though it does make my hair all frizzy and mad, I love it just the same. I shall get married in a winter month. YES, I definitely shall.

Until then, here is a list of things I simply love doing during these cold months. :) :)

1. Bike rides at night. The cold wind touching my face and making the tip of my nose cold.
2. Long walks and lots of talk with my friend.
3. Having lots ice-cream, even if it send a chill down my spine.
4. Sleeping. At anytime of that day, all snuggled up and warm under my blanket.
5. Drinking hot coffee. Some would prefer tea but, since I am not a tea person coffee works for me. 
6. Walking with socks at home. I know this one is weird, but hey, my feet are extremely sensitive to cold. Besides, I don't have carpeted floors at home, so the floor gets real cold. 

CHANGE and HOW

Every thing and every one changes with time. Some for the better some for the worse. Change is the law of nature. Everyone knows it. Yet you will find people who haven't seen you in a while saying " You have grown so big, the last time i saw you you could barely walk" and I just smile, while in my head I am like, " Of course I have changed, I am 17 now. You din't expect me to crawl around till now did you ?!" But, when I think more clearly I realize that they aren't being stupid or senseless when they say such things, its just their way of acknowledging the fact that you have indeed changed.

Each one grows and becomes mature at their own pace. Slowly and steadily with age maturity sinks in. However, at times the change is fast and drastic and cannot be postponed. At times you just have to grow up, even though you are not quite ready to.

Thinking back to the year 2009, I was completely different from what I am today. I was living in a protective cocoon knit tightly by my Mother. I was safe and protected at all times. I could get away with almost anything, being senseless, stupid, rude and down right disrespectful to family members all cause of her. Cause she was always there to cover up, make all things right. I was also her pet. Never left her side. Never did a thing on my own. Completely dependent on her for every little thing. Even when she began getting ill, in my immatureness I still did not give her the rest she deserved. I regret that now. Took for granted that its temporary, she will be alright and the little responsibilities that I had been given would go back to her strong shoulders. What I din't realize was there was no going back. I wasn't going to get rid of the tini tiny jobs that I had to do. What i din't realize was that i'd have to take her place now, and be the woman of the house. Her demise was devastating and changed me to what I am today...

Catching Up.

Gosh! I haven't blogged for over a month now, feels so long. Its not like I forgot I have a blog to write, its just that I didn't know what to write about. So, today I decided that even though I don't have something overly witty or funny to write of, I shall still write. Cause its my blog, and I can write what ever I want to.

To begin with, I will write about where I have been all this while. I have been here and there and here again. Here being my very own home, and there being my aunts place in Pune.  My stay in Pune was fun, and I was glad I decided to go there, as the climate in Pune was nice and cool, while Mumbai was a complete heater...

Over all the past month went rather smoothly, a pretty much normal month. Except for 1 major highlight, the birth of my cute little adorable little chubby little niece. :) :) Born on the 3th of November, Asma, is the newest member of my family, and also the cutest one. :)

Future Dreams.

I have never been particulary good at writing poems, I just can't get my words to rhyme. I still try though. This is something i wrote today evening, when i was a little low. I like to write something, anything actually when i am low. It somehow soothes me and helps me think better. I initially was of the mind to write something melodramatic or sad, but decided against it and wrote something a little brighter instead. Here it goes..

Future Dreams.

A sweet dream.
A distant thought.
Of a better life.
Of making a fresh new start.

Of forgetting the past.
Of having no regrets.
Of living each day,
like its the last.

Of finding happiness,
in the tiniest of things.
Of being joyful,
with every surprise that life brings.

Of moulding the future,
to our hearts content.
Of confidently,
walking ahead.

Diaper Fashion? Ya right!

So, i was reading the newspaper today, when i came across a Huggies Diaper ad. The thing that caught my attention though, was that it said ' Huggies Jeans Diaper Pants ', from there ' Huggies Fashion Jeans ' range ! Fashion diapers, are you kidding me!!!!

I mean, whats the point of having jeans diapers ? I know. Ripping parents pockets. And i also know that if not all, at least some parents will purchase this item in an attempt to make their young one " fashionable" and different from the rest. Ridiculous! Babies don't need it! They are adorable the way they are.

What, Huggies was not minting enough money already from all over the world, that they come up with such an idea to fool parents who are already giddy with happiness on the birth of their little one.

So, whats next? Huggies Skinny Jeans Diapers. :D Lets wait for it, you never know. It's a funny place this world.

Meanwhile, i have to admit their commercial is pretty cute. But, don't let it fool you !!

Snap-shot.

Snap-shot : An informal photograph taken quickly, typically with a hand held camera.

My house is strewn with " snap-shots ", of me, my parents, my aunts, my uncles, my cousins and their cousins, random people i don't know. Snap-shots of weddings, of birthdays, of naming ceremonies, of honeymoons and picnics. At times just of flowers or valleys. In short snap-shots of everything and every occurrence that a normal human life consists of.

Their must be over a thousand of them in my house. Usually, they are all kept neatly stacked in drawers, the reason for them being out is my Father's insistence of scanning each one of them since they have started to fade a little, especially the ones from his childhood days.

Snap-shots are memory preservers. The moment you see an old photograph, you are instantly taken back in time to when it was being clicked. And then you remember when and where it was clicked, and instantly you start narrating the incident related to the photograph to whoever will listen to you. They are great conversation starters i must say. For example, just the other day I was at my aunts place to pick up a couple of pictures for scanning that she has, and we were looking through them all and she had so much to say about them. Each photograph had a different story.

There are so many emotions different emotions that looking at photographs bring about. At times an elated smile or a joyous laugh. At times the feeling of loss when you come across a picture of one who is no more. So many emotions, so many memories. All definitely worth preserving.

I am glad my Father thought of scanning them so as to preserve them. For, it would be an utter shame to loose them to time.

Thought.

Giving up is easy, very easy. Staying put on the other hand, even when things are downer than down and life is treating you miserably is by far the toughest thing to do, even though it often presents you with the greatest reward. : )

A little something for my Mother.

Memories of you never leave me, and never shall. They dwell inside me, and always will. Some happy, some sad. Some good, some bad. Some which bring a smile. Others, which bring a tear. Some make me proud of the daughter that I was. While others make me wonder, "I wasn't all that good after all..." When I am low, thinking of you makes me cry, true. But, it also brings the feeling of a familiar warmth that your hugs used to. That's when i feel safe and sound, knowing that somehow you are still around. You were my best friend and still are. You get a first hand look of me and my life from up above. I miss you everyday. Every hour. Every second. And i like to believe that wherever you are you miss me too. :)

Though you are not here, you still are the best for me. Always will be. I miss you and I love you mamma. :) :*

Applicable all over India.

Back from the Dead !

Its been more than a year since I published my first post on this blog ! So much has changed in a year. I have changed in so many ways. Reading the post I made on 28th june 2010 makes me realize that. I feel I was a kid back than. Maybe, when I read this post a year later i might still feel the same. Life after all is a continuous process. Each day one grows a little bit smarter, a little bit tougher, a little more experienced and a little bit wiser. " Change is inevitable. "

There are 3 reasons for me to restart writing here.

1: The constant daily push from my father, to write and express my feelings and thoughts.

2: Seeing my friend write a blog out of her own accord. That is when I felt, " Dude, I was suppose to this." That was my second push.

3: This time I really REALLY want to do this !! From the depth of my heart :D

And hence, I believe that this time around I won't let my blog die. :)

My First

Okay, so here i begin. My first blog ever! I really have not much idea what i am supposed to be writing here, so i am going to start with a basic intro of myself. I am pretty much an average girl, just gave my 10th board exams and passed them, thankfully! Presently am waiting for the government to come to a conclusion regarding the best of five system. The sooner they decide the sooner the admission process will begin and the sooner will i get into a college.

Till then i am just waiting and doing odd jobs at home, spending time with friends,helping my neighbour's kid with studies and beginning a life of blogging on the utter insistence of my father. Surprisingly though blogging is fun, and i am enjoying it. :)